Monogamy Mayhem

Cheaters Gonna Cheat? Maybe Not.

Creepin’. Dippin’. Sneakin’ where you shouldn’t be peekin’. Whatever you wanna call it, some folks who swear they’re ride-or-die end up more ride-and-detour.

And guess what? Around half of all people in long-term relationships have cheated at least once. Yup — 50 percent. That's a coin toss, my friend. So is cheating the kiss of death for a relationship? Are you doomed to a life of betrayal and sketchy late-night texts from “just a friend”?

Not necessarily.

Enter Phil Martinez: part social worker, part marriage counselor, part walking lie detector from San Francisco. Phil says a healthy, monogamous relationship needs two things: communication and trust — basically the relationship version of veggies and cardio. Not always fun, but necessary.

According to Phil, when people actually talk about their desires — even the “oh wow this is awkward” ones — they can avoid the sneakiness altogether. In fact, it’s usually the stuff within the relationship that’s the real problem. Spoiler: if you’re fantasizing about your yoga instructor while your partner is reheating day-old spaghetti, it might be time for a chat.

Let’s talk about Carol.

Carol met Ryan. Ryan was the human equivalent of a red flag in a windstorm — he had cheated on his past two girlfriends. Meanwhile, Carol had never cheated, but she did flirt so hard with her coworker once that HR probably felt it. Both Carol and Ryan admitted to being stuck in ho-hum, lukewarm relationships in the past. Think beige wallpaper, but for your soul.

"I felt threatened going into this new relationship," Carol told me, which is code for “My gut was screaming RUN.” But they talked. Like, really talked. About emotions, fears, even the weird dreams you hope no one ever hears about. They agreed to keep things open until monogamy felt like a mutual yes instead of an awkward obligation.

Moral of the story? Communication is hotter than abs.

Carol’s not alone. Most people I interviewed said cheating tends to bloom in the dark — where no one talks about anything real, and unresolved feelings grow like mold in a forgotten Tupperware. The more you communicate, the less likely you are to end up whispering “she meant nothing to me” at 2 a.m.

Even Ryan, our formerly shady hero, got the message. “It’s different now,” he says. “I can tell Carol anything — fantasies, fears, the whole Netflix queue. And honestly, after dating around, I realized nobody else had what we had.”

So, what’s the takeaway here?

Cheating once doesn’t mean you’re cursed with the philandering plague forever. But — big but — if nothing changes between the old and new relationship, don’t be shocked if history repeats itself like a bad sequel. To grow, you need honesty, vulnerability, and yes — probably a few awkward conversations over takeout.

Monogamy is less about handcuffs and more about heart-to-hearts.

And maybe, just maybe… leave the creeping to Halloween.